Nomiephobia

Still in disbelief, still feels like a dream... i knew this was coming. But it's not like i could stop it. Yet it has happened. Be happy...

I need to get out here. The more i stay here the more i get drained out by almost everything that makes me thing and feel. I need a fresh start, a new place a new heart. Everything's gone wrong,the fucked up thing is i can't do much about it. Time could either be a friend or your worst enemy.

Honestly i don't know what i'm suppose to think or how i'm suppose to feel.
I think i can pretend long enough to know i'm alright with this, that whatever happens
i can pick myself and carry on.
But at the end of the day, you'll find the grass is greener on the other side.
The side that im not able to go, i guess that's gonna be my cue.
I hope you do better there, i know you would.

Everyday i wake up every morning feeling lost and with a less purpose than yesterday. Its no use to ponder where and what went wrong back then, there were countless mistakes. But that's okay, we're humans... we are bind by the laws of inevitable errors in our actions and choices. I look at the ceiling in hope of finding something to look forward to, someone to share this through before i could put my cold feet on the floor. Emptiness engulfs the atmosphere somehow. I look at my mom and i couldnt leave her side, i look at my choices and i could barely see one. I wasnt gaining anything, i was losing things one by one. I had a dream once about this, about the whole idea of being in a situation where i stood and watch my life crumble, my spirit crushed and losing the people who i thought would stay. It's like there's a huge iron clad wall infront of me, trying to get through every day and soon enough i become tired. Maybe that's how it is for now, before i lose everything else... 

I think that the same solution to the same problem doesnt work for everyone else. I used to think knowing someone through a great length of time, deep in their soul and possible sharing every truth you couldnt tell would bring them closer. For the moment yes it did. But truth be told, we humans always seek for something better. And i guess when someone finds someone better, it doesnt matter how long you know that person. In a short amount of time if that someone is better than you then you are bound to fade away. But its okay if you are there for someone just because you want to, and not expect anything in return. Whatever happens next would be his/her move. Lets face it, time and depth doesnt build bonds... its trying to stay ahead of someone better than you that tells your fairy tale ending. And well if you fail then i guess its time to let go.....  but then again me world isnt everyone's world. For now its the survival of the fittest.